My School Routine.. General Routine

I think I'm compiling culmative stress along the way. I only have class Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is always good. I was taking 16 credits, but it saddened me when I had to drop a class making it thirteen. I thought I could handle it. I work part-time only. There's people who can get good grades and work full time? Why can't I do good with only having a part time job.

Well I'll tell you why?
First none-existentance of Time Management - I HAVE NONE
Plus there is no motivation there to get stuff done right away
waiting and waiting until I'm pretty much screwed
I torture myself
Why would anyone want to torture themselves is beyond me?
I have no idea why I do this all the time
And you can't help a habit until you can find why the habit is there?

Secondly - A sleep schedule
No, I do not keep a normal sleep pattern - "insomanic"
I get drained in classes, can't stay up and muchly "stupified"
This is bad, because you can't learn anything when your not awake (Hello body not functioning, can't take in information)
Then you feel stupid not knowing anything
You do poorly on tests and your grade suffers and then you do in the long run, because you'll regret the poor mark for future refrences
What reason is there to stay up anyways - oh ya, because of bad time management

Thirdly - Organizational
I'm organized at work, but not when it comes in my direction
Car, Room, and School - No WAy!
If your not organized then nothing will make you feel like your succeeding
Plus all that time it takes you to find something

I work M,W, and F at PBTV - a local telephone company. I do the basic fun stuff, but I'm not to that point where I am a "people person." My family jokes around with me - about it all the time. Let's just say I'm not the nicest person if you piss me off in other terms. I've made some people cry in my day, but my mom was jealous of me for this "flaw" in a situation. She didn't like this person and she was trying to make it apparent, but the person wasn't taking her seriously no matter how hard she tried. Like I don't even try and they cried. A Secret: I never made a girl cry though and guys are suppose to be more emotionally stable - C'mon! Where's the so call masculinity and testerone. I think I'm rather calm when it comes to school and work though, I have never had any behavioral problems. I'm more like "whatever" probably because I'm so fatigued. I'm working that I can work up to that people person skill - I know my dad has that, definitely, he knows the whole town. And my mom, she's literally chatty Cathi aka "chatterbox" - she'll tell a complete stranger anything. I was in my EMT class and the instructor was like your mom isn't as shy as you are - Sarah. I'm really not that socialable, I'm quite the opposite of my parents on that, but I'm probably wilder than my parents ever were. They were the average goodie - goodies. I get nervous all the time and wouldn't doubt it if I have stranger anxiety with boderline personality with all my ups and downs. The doctor at one time told me I had test anxiety, but I really don't want anyone treating me differently - actually I really don't want anyone to know that for the fact that I think I can overcome anything that is pretty much thrown at me. Some people are given nothing and how do they have the strength to live day-to-day you know?
Whenever I write, I always bounce back to back. It's never flowing, but I don't know. Some writing is good like that because it makes you think more than the organized flowing text like the average material you read in any education system. But that kind of thinking makes your head hurt so I'm glad our books are set that way. I can't stay on topic, but I don't think I'll ever be a novelist ( and good thing for that reason - it would take decades to get one solid piece of my good writing). I just feel I have nothing really viable to say (practical or aka in my words "important") especially if I haven't researched it. And when I do research it - forget about that paper until it's perfect. I feel like crap, because I haven't turned one paper or did one test that I was proud of in my whole year in college and I think I only had one paper in high school and it was through an ALternative Education Center so I could graduate. It was a movie review and I kind of want it back. It was on the movie Waking Life. It's a really deep animated movie about if a person is really there or just sleeping. Their life is bascially a dream and then it goes to some psychological aspects. I wouldn't recommend it, but that paper was damn good if I say so myself. I seemed intelligent and the movie actually made me use my mind to write it. I don't really care what the teacher graded me, because I felt good about it. Thats what I should feel all the time. It makes me feel like crap when I had in something bad. In all honestly, what you write is who you are - it's a reflection. So if you write in a way that doesn't make you - you then your showing people that you don't exist. Because the people who read or listened or read what you said isn't going to remember it, because it wouldn't lay an impact on them.
That's why English is so important. English is in everything and makes who you are. If you really want to find yourself then you should look at what you do, what you say (communication as writing), why do you do the things you do (decision-making choices), and really evaluate yourself. A lot of people ever get to that point in finding who they are. I know that I'm not there and I may never be there. It's a Shame. I Have had many careers that I came into interest throughout my years: entertainer (mainly an big-screen actor), teacher, my own baby-sitting center - I had a name picked out too "We Care For Your Sons and Daughters", Photography, Professional Women Hockey Player (which never existed then, but I didn't know), Writer, Paranormal Phenomena Investigator (X-Files), Reporter/Journalist, Behind-the-Scenes in a field of television (Broadcaster,Editing Stories..etc), Firefighter (mostly a dormer), Mass Communication Major (recently before attending BSU) - possibly being a Radio Personality - Got a name picked out for me "DJ Shy-Away" Don't steal copyrighted 11-15-2005 Sarah Skime, Theatre, Doctor, Nursing, and now Pre-Med (and some hockey coaching on the side - if can't make it inthe big leagues, better join them - although haven't given up on the whole hockey thing, I need connections bad and to transfer where I have at least the slightest bit of chance of getting on). It goes from far in the past to most recent. My Psych teacher told me actually the whole class, but you know when a teacher is singling you out in class - when they stare directly at you that "changing your appearance like dyong your hair makes you further away of finding who you are." I always dye my hair, It's actally like a defense mechanism. It makes me happy, plus I don't see my closest friends that much so why the hell not.
Well let's to what I was talking about earlier... My routine
Then I have school T and TH
8:00 class is a bitch to go to - I'm sorry, but I do struggle in the morning
I took that class, because I thought I could grow up, become a normal person like everyone else on this planet.
People who are successful and have careers - like actual careers
I thought I could change
Change my habits - if that's what you call them
Pretty much a flaw of who I am
But it is quite difficult when I waste my time, not organized, and fatigued all the time
I feel like a patient with a serious illness
So predictable and "trapped" having to do the same things over and over again in hopes to living a little bit longer each day
I'll Have Part II Maybe Later.... I still have to look semi-normal in the morning and I have other crap to do.
I still need to get my drivers license - I waited a long time on that!
Go to a pawn shop get a graphing calculator
Go to the bank and see whats left on my loan and a notary signed by them - hopefully my dad can do that
Can't go rollerblading anymore, fricken sucks
Have to still finish homework... Hmmm? Why wasn't it finished before... Stupid Stupid Me
Need a Student ID, which I already had to go in once because I lost mine - this will be my third time and thats why I haven't really done it yet. But I'll be needing it for the hockey game. Go Beavers! It's going to be a good game - December 2nd, I would recommend going to the Mens Hockey Game at the John Glas Fieldhouse. HELL YEAH
Need to talk to the library after I get my id, because I have an overdue book that was inside my car that I need to pay for now and plus I need my id for everything that I need to do. One of these days I need to go to the Media Writing Center and the Computer Labs. Oh yeah floppy disk shopping would be great.
Then I have to ask my grandma for money for school, which I hate. I don't like asking for money, but I do get money from my dad all the time. I want to be independent, but can't be. Thats another problem that I need to overcome. Transferring would be a good solution, but not to any of my family members. I know - I know, but when I feel like something is missing, I feel like that if I go somehere else then I will have that feeling go around. Some people think I'm running away from my problems, but I feel like it's my time to go. They should just hope for the best and know that they did the best that anyone could do to raise someone like me.
Then ask about loans and still sign up for Spring Courses.
Maybe look for another job. A waitressing job would be sweet - tips. But I have no experience in that work at all!
Boring, but writing down stuff makes me remember some things in my forgetful mind of mine.